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講故仔: "唱歌仔"

TG loved to sing, and she was very talented. she could make even the most kiddish songs sound absolutely enjoyable. i remember she used to sing a song all the time. the song went: "我的家庭真可愛, 健康快樂照常在...", and every time i would argue with her saying it's supposed to be "笑常在" instead. i loved it when she sang it. since Lok Lok and Lily joined us, she added another line to the song: "我個肥仔滑捋捋, 仲有Lily真可愛..."
and then there was another song that talked about watermelon. it went like ".... 個個都啱食, .... 頭頂長滿花~"
i loved it.
sometimes, she'd even dance while she sang. i loved watching her signature silly moves. i know she'd never perform on stage, but she's a true star in my eyes.
how i miss her performance.

講故仔: "Tin Guy"

She was a strange kid. when she was a kid she used to think of herself as a frog, "tin guy" as she called it. i guess i'm weird, too coz i love it so much that ever since she told me about it i started calling her "tin guy", or simply "gwa". tg is her initial from then on.
tg was a real frog. she was always energetic and if u look closely, u can see that her eyes were always watery. i remember the tears rushing out of her eyes when we didn't get to the animal centre early enough to pick up the gray kitten. i also remember the joy and excitement from her eyes the next day when we picked up Lok Lok, and the sparkle when i decided to pick up one more kitten in Lily. The kittens were godsends. they brought such joy and peace in tg's heart.

well another three months on and the pain is still here. it is still here. it still haunts me from time to time.

it's a complicated feeling. it's not constant. it deeply affects my emotion. it occupies my mind most of the time. it gets worse especially when ppl tell me to let go. no i can't. not by choice anyway. when i hear ppl telling me to let go that just makes me feel more lonely coz, no, no one understands how i feel. they only rush to tell u "hey i've been through this. it's easy to deal with. it's your fault that u're unhappy at this moment."

really? u've been through this? and what does that have to do with me?

i know i shouldn't talk too much about it but sometimes, and i mean most of the times, i'm weak and i want someone to talk to. i wanna let it out. i need a listener. i know this is a tough job to be my listener, for this particular topic. sometimes i do wanna talk about it. but ppl's responses can be such let down, while honestly, all i want is a faithful listener. all i want is support, or maybe, just maybe if i'm not asking too much, comfort? maybe? but no i ain't getting that. instead i received all these tvb signature scripts.

speaking of which, the court response is finally here. it's in front of me. now all that's left to do is to turn in one last paper with our signatures on it. then it's a done deal. i wanna do it, and i don't wanna do it. no i don't wanna do it. but it's something has to be done. gotta do what ya gotta do, u know. yes sir i know that. but no i don't wanna do it.

so i'll take half day off and turn it in in person. just to make sure nothing goes wrong. yes gotta do what ya gotta do. mind wins over heart. heart isn't here anymore anyway. heart is gone. it's buried in memories. such good memories. the wife, the cats, our children. they are just like angels. our family. little room, messy, small. but so warm that i rush back to everyday after class. and she's still in bed, hopefully having a sweet dream. i know it's sweet coz whenever the cats were with her, she looked like smiling in her dreams. it's cold outside, -20C cold. but it's all about inside this messy little flat, where all was good. and all is gone.

three months on and here u have my new post. the most significant thing that had happened in the last 3 months is undoubtedly my divorce. yup. i got divorced. can u believe it? no? i can't neither. but this is what happened.
the most difficult time has passed. thou i can't say for 100% sure that i'm fully prepared to move on ,but at least the pain has mostly gone. i miss her. i still unintentionally call out for her name from time to time. i still remember the good times we shared with each other. those were wonderful times, and i will surely keep those memories in my heart forever. it's a shame it didn't work out but like the song that goes: "逝去的感情如何留得住~?", so i have no choice but to "就讓一 切隨風~"
係咪好"娘"呢? 老餅係咁架喇.

after reading through my own blog i realize this is how it goes: every once in a while i'd put up a new postd saying how long i've been away from this blog and this is the first post in a long while. so this is a sort of a tradition of my blog and i dare not to interrupt it..
so here u go: hey this is the first post since many months! hooray! u happy now? no? oh well.

recently a thought came up to my mind and never goes away. i realize the reason why i'm not making tons of money is becoz i'm not having fun. i become a dull boy, and in case u wonder, i become even duller than b4! whoa that's some achievement in its own right.

so in order to make tons of money, first i gotta find something fun to do. hm... so u figured this one out since forever? yea?

now it's keywords time to hopefully lure in some innocent souls. keywords like... hm... what would that be? oh well whatever..

"boring boring boring!" the line sums it all up. "coz u're not trying" kinda true. maybe life is just plain boring.
"boring boring boring!" i can't say it enough.
*********
bought a dslr for almost 2 years but satisfactory results are rare. maybe i'm not an artist after all, thou all i want is to take cats' photos.
skill is one thing but i think the real important thing is what's inside a photo. no one knows my photos better than i do coz, hey, they're my cats!
i miss my cats..